A Bit Rougher
by Miss Capitaine
Summary: Five times Zach had come back, and the one time he didn't.
1. A Bit Rougher

Title: A Bit Rougher

Author: Miss Capitaine/deliciouslycrzy  
Rating: Strong T. ( For swearing and a mention or two of chocolate flavored protection.)

Genre: Humor/Romance/Angst/Tragedy

Pairings: Ross/Nichols, a smidgen of Ross/Rodgers

Summary: Five times Zach had come back, and the one time he didn't.

Warnings: Major Character Death. Also some slash.

Spoilers: None really. No specific episodes are mentioned. Except... Whatever one mentions the postcard from Cleveland.

Note: For this story to work, we must assume these four things: That Danny was less straight-laced and professional before he became Captain, that Danny was already separated from his wife when he and Zach were first partnered together and that Danny was lying when he said that all he had ever received for word of Zach was a postcard, and that Danny is bi-sexual.

* * *

_The First Time_

Danny Ross hadn't known that Zachary Nichols was going to be his new partner when he had picked the other man up in a discreet gay bar in lower Manhattan. It had been a rough day in the squad room, and Danny had just been trying to ease his frustration somehow. He could have just as easily gone to a straight bar to find someone, but he'd had a need for something a bit more rough than what he could find with the sort of woman that one would pick up at any average bar.

The man had introduced himself as Zach, and though he'd been charming, that hadn't been at the forefront of Danny's mind at the moment. After a few minutes of meaningless chit-chat and then ten or so of intense flirting over drinks, Danny had found himself in a cab with Zach, heading towards one of their apartments; Danny vaguely remembered mumbling his address to the cabbie before Zach had tugged him into the back of the cab, eager (in an oddly calm way that Danny would eventually realize was how he usually approached situations) to show him what he could do with his tongue.

When they reached Danny's apartment, they hadn't even made it through the door when Zach was on him, pushing him up against the door with surprising force for such a skinny guy. Danny's groan at the door knob being ground into his lower back had been stifled by Zach roughly pressing his lips to Danny's, in a sort of possessive gesture. Danny managed to twist the door knob, and the two had stumbled into the apartment.

Their encounter had been brief, but exactly what Danny had needed at the moment. He had woken up the next morning satisfied and happy, made even more so by the fact that his one night stand had already left, and Danny was almost entirely positive that he would never see the other man again.

However, this assumption was torn in two when Danny arrived at the squad room that morning. There was a note on his desk, along with the tie Danny had worn the night before. Danny felt something similar to apprehension, which only doubled once he read the note.

_'So I guess we'll be seeing more of each other'_

* * *

_Second Time_

Danny had sworn it wouldn't happen again.

Zach had promised that it wouldn't.

So why the hell was Zach scouring through Danny's apartment, looking for the pair of jeans he had discarded almost an hour before?

Danny sighed.

He should have never answered that god-damned door.

* * *

_Third Time_

Danny would never let Zach go shopping on his own ever again.

He had sent him out an hour earlier, with orders to go straight to the drug store. Danny knew if he didn't state it explicitly, Zach would have taken all night, and probably would have completely forgotten what he had been sent out for in the first place. Danny had hoped that with explicit orders(and with the threat of no sex hanging over his head), Zach would be able to make his way back to the apartment.

Danny hadn't expected what he brought home.

"I said condoms, Zach."

"These are condoms."

"Chocolate flavored. No way."

"Still condoms." And Zach had given Danny a look that was just so pitiful, complete with a pout that no grown man should have been able to imitate, that the smaller man just couldn't resist giving in.

" Fine. Just this once." And as the wide, accomplished, cat-who-caught-the-canary smile spread across Zach's face, Danny realized that he had just been played. It stung a little.

He also realized that he really didn't care.

* * *

_Fourth Time_

Zach had been out getting bagels when the towers fell.

It was September 11, 2001, and Danny had been finishing up some paperwork when the first reports began to file in. A plane had crashed into the World Trade Center's North Tower at 8:46 AM. The smoke was already starting to rise.

It was 8:50.

Zach wandered into the squad room at 8:54, looking even more lost and confused than he usually did. He had barely made it to his and Danny's desk's before he collapsed in a heap on his chair. He tossed the crumpled bag of bagels onto the desk, almost as though he forgot what they were.

"I saw it, Danny."

Six months later, Danny received a postcard from Zach, saying that he was in Cleveland, and that he would be in New York for a few days at the end of the month, just to finish packing up his apartment. It had been marked for three weeks before, so Danny was prepared when he heard the familiar, quiet knock on his apartment door.

* * *

_Fifth Time_

Apparently, Zach was either a pack-rat (very likely) or a skilled with a lock pick (also likely.) Danny could believe that both of those were true. On the first, he had seen Zach's previous apartment. A complete wreck, full of everything that normal people would generally throw out; Old case files, medical journals, those toys that came in Happy Meals. On the second, Zach's widely varying skill set had stopped amazing Danny years ago.

Either way, Danny was more than slightly surprised when he and Liz Rodgers found Zach sprawled out on the couch in Danny's apartment, sleeping as peacefully as if he were supposed to be there.

"I told you I'd come back." Zach had remarked later, after Liz had left; she had excused herself, begging off because of a body that she had to work on in the morning. She'd left after giving Danny a hug and a kiss, along with a stern, 'you're telling me about all of this later,' look. Zach had been watching the whole exchange with his usual disinterest, or so it appeared. Danny seriously doubted it.

"Eight years ago, Zach." Danny remarked dryly, moving over to sit next to the other man on the couch. It was awkward, because the last time they had been together on this couch, it had ended with sex. And then Zach had up and left again, and Danny had been stuck picking up what was left.

"Oh. Right." Zach muttered distantly, and for a second Danny wondered if he was high. He'd have assumed so if it had been anyone other than him, but because it was Zach, he readily dismissed it; Zach had always been... out there, it made sense that he would have just gotten worse as the years went on. "I always come back." He added, slightly miffed now.

"Eventually." Danny muttered, leaning back against the couch as if suddenly exhausted. "So why are you back, now, all of a sudden?"

Zach grinned boyishly. " I need a job, and I heard you were hiring."

_Fuck._

* * *

It had started out as a usual work day. Zach had been his usual self; Without words he had already driven Megan Wheeler into near madness, and they hadn't even gone out for a case yet. Now, Danny hadn't been paying close attention, but he had been certain that the cause had been that Magic Eight Ball that Zach had taken to carrying around with him the past few weeks.

His other detectives had been equally bored; Detective Goren had been going stir crazy. There hadn't been any high-profile cases in the past few weeks and the only active investigation at the moment had been assigned to Zach and Wheeler.

Goren and Eames were supposed to be getting caught up on their paperwork, but the last time Danny had checked, Eames had been the only one working, as her partner was entertaining himself by staring blankly at the papers in front of him. If he had been trying to appear as though he was busy, he had failed miserably at it.

The call had come in around eleven AM. The lab techs had finally finished processing the evidence, and been able to come up with both a name and home address of the victim. James Tate, a big-time defense lawyer who live out in the suburbs with his wife and two daughters. For some reason that Danny couldn't fathom, he felt as though something wasn't right with the situation. A gut feeling.

So when Zach and Wheeler had popped into his office to inform him that they would be going out to talk to the family, he had ordered that they bring Goren and Eames along with them. He didn't know why he did it. He had never taken 'gut feelings' that seriously and had always thought that they were just made up to excuse reckless behavior.

Wheeler had been a little surprised at the order, but she accepted it.

Zach was harder to read. He just raised an eyebrow, and nodded. If Danny hadn't known him like he did, he probably would have thought that was that. As it was, Danny was only slightly surprised when, just as Wheeler walked out of his office, Zach subtly pushed the door, and it swung shut, as if on its own. Danny sighed at the theatrics, but didn't say anything. He sat down behind his desk, pretending to examine the papers as he watched Zach out of the corner of his eye.

Zach was leaning against the now-closed door, his arms fold across his chest, and one leg tucked up underneath himself as if he was about to push off the wall. His fingers tapped against his inner forearm; Even when he appeared still, Zach never stopped moving. He could be as calm possible, but there would always be something about him that was in motion.

" Four?" he muttered softly, using his "I'm-pretending-to-talk-to-myself-but-I-want-you-to-answer" tone of voice, the one he used when trying to draw someone into a conversation they would probably later regret. Danny knew Zach well enough not to fall for it, and Zach knew it too. It was most likely just habit, developed after years of dealing with people who were not used to dealing with _him. _"Something to worry about, Danny?"

" It's nothing, Detective." He answered brusquely; It wasn't exactly the truth, but as Danny didn't put that much stock into gut feelings, unlike Zach, whose career was basically built upon them. 'I_ts probably just indigestion. Bad fish.' _

Zach had grinned, a large, childish expression that Danny hadn't seen on his face in years. " You're using your captain voice, and just called me Detective. It must be serious." He stated, his eyes bright, and Danny realized that what Zach just had said was the most linear sentence he'd ever heard from him.

" It's nothing, Zach." Danny had repeated, emphasizing the last word. " Now go. Play nice." He added, smirking slightly.

Zach sighed good naturedly; He twisted the door knob behind him without moving, in a move that seemed familiar to Danny, but he couldn't quite place it. "Always do, Danny." Danny just shook his head, and Zach's grin softened into something more melancholy, as if he had remembered something. He moved to walk out, and then turned around, his eyes bright, but slightly confused. 'A u_sual Zach stare.'_" Hey.. Yeah, I'll bring back bagels. Don't worry about it. Yeah, see you then." He grinned cheekily, and then twisted on his heel and was gone.

Danny watched him as he walked to the elevator, a slight swagger in his step, and Danny sighed, grinning wryly in spite of himself. " See you later Zach."

* * *

An hour later, Danny saw Zach again.

There were no bagels. No 'Hey, look, you're crazy. All's good.'

They had both screwed up that day, and now one of them had to pay the price.

Zach would never come back this time.


	2. A Lot Rougher

Title: A Lot Rougher (Zach's POV) 2/2

Author: Miss Capitaine/deliciouslycrzy

Rating: Really strong T, light M( For swearing, chocolate flavored protection and mentions of rough sex.)

Genre: Humor/Romance/Angst/Tragedy

Pairings: Ross/Nichols, a smidgen of Ross/Rodgers

Summary: Five times Zach had come back, and the one time he didn't.

Warnings: Major Character Death. Also some slash. My beta has advised a tissue warning.

Spoilers: None really. No specific episodes are mentioned. Except... Whatever one mentions the postcard from Cleveland.

Note: For this story to work, we must assume these four things: That Danny was less straight-laced and professional before he became Captain, that Danny was already separated from his wife when he and Zach were first partnered together and that Danny was lying when he said that all he had ever received for word of Zach was a postcard, and that Danny is bi-sexual.

* * *

_First Time_

Zach Nichols hadn't known that Danny Ross was going to be his new partner when he had met the other man in a discreet gay bar in lower Manhattan, although, if he was being entirely honest, he wouldn't have cared either way. It had been a long day; unpacking years worth of belongings tended to do that to someone, and he had wandered into the gay bar looking to unwind.

He had been sitting at the bar for only a few minutes or so, already vaguely disheartened at the slim array of men to choose from, when he heard the slight creak of the front door being eased open. His eyes flickered to the entryway, and what he saw caused a wide, not all-together wholesome grin to spread across his features.

The guy who had just walked in was definitely a possibility. He was about average height, definitely not as tall as he was, which was something Zach looked for, lean and well built, with dark curly hair. All together, he was someone that Zach could realistically and vividly imagine spending at least a few fun, sweaty hours with.

Though, the thing that sealed the deal for Zach, was that the guy had an air about him, one that just screamed _cop__, _and Zach always preferred his...he wouldn't call them lovers, because that implied that they stuck around for more than just a few hours. Sexual partners sounded too clinical in Zach's mind, and one-night stands was too final a term.

By the time Zach had settled on a name that he liked,_ fuck buddies, _he had forgotten what he had been thinking about before, andthe cop-guy had sat down at the other end of the bar, and had already ordered a drink. _Whiskey, neat._ Zach wasn't a drinking man-which would baffle everyone who knew him, seeing as he spent at least 50% of his free time in bars- but even Zach knew that whiskey without ice was powerful, something that someone only ordered right off when they had something to forget.

By now, Zach's arousal and curiosity were both peaked, and he was having a hard time deciding which he should sate first. If he just wanted to get straight to the sex, a few minutes of concentrated flirting would be all that was necessary. On the other hand, if he actually wanted to get to know the guy who was now not so subtly glancing over his way, then he actually had to put some time in before they got to the naked part.

In the end, it wasn't really up to him.

After introducing himself, Zach had discovered that the guy's name was Danny, and that he wasn't there to make friends, though the last part was more implied than actually stated. The guy wasn't having the get-to-know-you chit chat, so Zach switched to flirting, because he'd rather get laid and learn nothing rather than get rebuffed, learn nothing and get no sex.

Ten minutes later, Zach found himself in the back of a cab with Danny. He had pulled the smaller man from the seat onto his lap, and was currently relishing the feeling of him squirming as he thoroughly ravaged Danny's mouth with his tongue.

Zach barely remembered their ascent to Danny's apartment, but the groan Danny had made when he had shoved him up against the door snapped him out of that. The noises the smaller man kept making were near intoxicating, so Zach kissed him again.

Zach left later that night, but not before snagging Danny's tie off of the couch that it had been carelessly draped on and pocketing it. It wasn't like it was a glass slipper, but Zach needed something that would remind him to look this guy up again.

The next morning, it turned out he wouldn't need it, after all.

* * *

_Second Time_

Zach had not expected to find himself standing at Danny's front door that night, but he had nowhere else to go. He knocked on the door.

_He has made a promise, and even though he doesn't like it, he intends to stick to it._

_ No matter how much it sucks._

_ They have been working together for almost a week, and Zach already knows that he has found a good partner, and a good partner is hard to come by for a guy like himself. He doesn't want to be the one to screw this up. So he sticks to Danny's stupid rules. __**Partners can't be a relationship.**_

_ So, instead of following Danny home and fucking him senselessly, like he really wants to do, he goes back to the gay bar where they had met a few nights before, fully intent on finding and taking home the first guy (or guys) that he sees, just so he can somehow get rid of this hard-on he gets whenever he thinks of Danny._

" What the fuck happened to you?" were the first words out of Danny's mouth when he finally answered the door; He looked disheveled, still in jeans, but his hair was sticking up in various places and matted in others, in such a way that Zach could assume that he had fallen asleep on the couch. Of course, Zach knew that he didn't look all that much better. At least Danny wasn't sporting a broken nose.

Zach grinned, ignoring the pain that is caused. "Long story." He muttered softly, in what he knew was his most inviting tone, "Suffice to say, I am never going home with a strapping, leather wearing muscle-head name Larry again." He added abstractly, wincing slightly, and Danny raised an eyebrow. Zach could have sworn he saw what looked like concern in his eyes.

"A biker?"

"Nope."

* * *

_Third Time_

Zach found himself laughing while he stood in the aisle at the drug store just down the street from Danny's apartment. Danny had explicitly said where he should go, but he had only given a general order of what it was he wanted Zach to pick up.

Zach smirked as he picked up the first box he saw; chocolate. _He said condoms. He didn't say anything about what kind._

* * *

_Fourth Time_

Zach was out getting bagels for Danny and himself when the towers fell.

_ At 8:45 AM, h_e was standing at his favorite bagel cart.

A minute later, he watched as the first tower fell.

Something in him broke.

The next few months pass by in a blur, and it wasn't until he found himself in Cleveland that he remembered why he was there.

_They were sitting on the couch in Danny's apartment, watching footage of the damage when Zach got his epiphany (Or lack of one, actually.)_

_ "What does it all mean?"_

_ "Huh?"_

_ "Life."_

Zach was searching for the meaning of life. He wasn't entirely sure why he had though it would be in Cleveland, though.

The next morning, he went out and sent Danny a postcard.

* * *

_Fifth Time_

At first, Zach couldn't accept the fact that Danny had moved on.

He had always had this notion, stupid, now that he had thought of it, that Danny would wait for him to come back. That somehow, life would pause while he was out finding himself, and then when he came back, because had always known he would, Danny would be waiting for him.

Zach had come back this time, expecting his Danny to be waiting for him, just the same as he had been eight years ago. He hadn't expected this Danny. This strange, suddenly straight Danny, with more gray in his hair and lines on his face. He hadn't expected to come back and suddenly find his spot on Danny's arm to be taken, by a woman nonetheless. But most of all, after all of the surprises, he didn't expect to still be in love with a man who was no longer his.

* * *

Zach couldn't believe how stupid he was.

He had walked them into a trap.

There was a gun trained on them, Wheeler, Goren, Eames and himself, and it was his fault.

If he had just listened to Eames' advice, '_We should wait for backup,' _she had said, when the four of them had first heard of the disturbance coming from the abandoned warehouse. He hadn't listened, of course.

And now they were about to die.

Zach had heard of what supposedly happened when one was about to die; their life would flash before their eyes, synapses flaring in the last minutes of life, a feeling of acceptance.

Zach experienced none of these.

He didn't want to die. He didn't know what he had to live for, exactly, but he wanted to live. There were things he hadn't done, people he hadn't met, unfinished business.

He didn't feel a sudden surge of adrenaline. His thoughts still ran clear, but he couldn't think of anything heroic he could do to get them out of this situation.

His life didn't flash before his eyes. It was more like just snatches of the past ten years. _A post card sent to a friend. Pale eyes staring at him in disbelief. Dark curls that just begged to be tugged on. A groan of pleasure. Hot bagels shared over cold coffee. Rough sex._ _Pleasure. Pain. Lust. Love._

He knew what was coming. The gunman would turn the gun to Wheeler first. Eames would be next.

Zach was too much of a chauvinist to let that happen.

When the gunman pulled the trigger, Zach pulled his, making sure that he took the son-of-a-bitch to the grave with him.

_Because that's how I roll._

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-


End file.
